I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
