One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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