I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
