Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is my gift to your gina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
