I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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