I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think my vagina is haunted
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
