my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
