I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
