I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
