Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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