okay pat passed out under dana's car
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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