She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What a dumb baby whore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
