she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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