New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
