Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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