she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
