In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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