Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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