I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
