I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
