shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
