I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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