She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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