I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
