Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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