His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
