you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
