I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
