We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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