my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
