I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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