So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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