Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
