Can Purell be used as lube?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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