umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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