haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
