The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
