Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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