The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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