If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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