Pappa wants mamma naked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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