just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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