he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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