sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
