he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
