Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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