I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
