Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
