she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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