and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
