I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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