I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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