worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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