I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
