Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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