I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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