I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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