it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
