The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
