We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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