Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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