genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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